By Ryan Holiday
Best seller-dom is ephemeral and only lasts a week. Xx
Ego usually goes by a more casual definition. An unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition. 2
Our culture fans the flames of ego. It’s never been easier to talk, to puff ourselves up. We can brag about our goals to millions of our fans and followers – things only rock starts and cult leaders used to have. 4
Three stages of life: We are aspiring to something, trying to make a dent in the universe.
We have achieved success – a little or a lot
We have failed – recently or continually 6
No one becomes successful BECAUSE they are delusional, self-absorbed, or disconnected. (Kanye/Steve Jobs). 7
Detachment is an ego antidote. Get out of your own head. It’s easy to be emotionally invested and infatuated with your own work. 21
Social media tempts us to stroke our ego – “What’s on your mind?” Facebook asks. 24
When we are scared of a project, overwhelmed or daunted we tent to do everything BUT focus on it. Marie Kondo also talks about this. 25
“Talking thru it” doesn’t work. After spending so much time thinking, explaining, and talking about a task, we FEEL that we have gotten closer to achieving it but have made no progress still. 27
We often fall in love with the image of what success looks like. Job title, credentials, size of their paycheck, number of fans, etc. 32
The power of being a student is not just that it is a period of instruction, it also place the ego and ambition in someone else’s hands. There is an ego ceiling imposed. You cannot fake a master. An education cannot be hacked. There are no shortcuts except hacking it every single day. 38
Frank Shamrock the martial arts expert uses the plus, minus, equal system. Get real and continuous feedback about what they know and what they don’t know from every angle. 39
“It is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows” Epictetus. You cannot get better if you are convinced you are the best. 41
Ego rushes to the end, rationalizes that patience is for losers and assumes that we’re good enough to give our talents a go in the world. It blocks us from improving by telling us that we don’t need to improve. 42
“When student is ready, the teacher appears.” 43
Don’t be passionate. Passion is unbridled enthusiasm, our willingness to pounce on what’s in front of us with the full measure of our zeal, the “bundle of energy”. 45
Passion typically masks a weakness. It is a poor substitute for discipline, mastery, strength and purpose. Dogs are passionate but they also have short term memory. 48
Purpose is passion with boundaries. Realism is detachment and perspective. Don’t confuse passion for impatience. PURPOSE is about pursuing something outside of yourself as opposed to pleasing yourself. A purposeful person asks questions, plans contingencies. 49
Passion is form over function. Purpose is function, function, function. Leave passion for the amateurs. 50
The canvas shapes the painting. Learn how to be a rising star without threatening or alienating anyone. 55
Be lesser, do more. Try to help every person you meet. Benefit them, not yourself. That is what the canvas strategy is all about. Helping yourself by helping others first. 56
“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” C.S. Lewis 73
Christians believe pride is a sin because it is a lie – it convinces people that they are better than they are, that they are better than God made them. Pride leads to arrogance and then away from humility and connection with their fellow man. Pride takes a minor accomplishment and makes it feel like a major one. 74
Privately thinking you are better than others IS STILL PRIDE, and it is dangerous thinking. 78
“The hard thing isn’t setting a big, hairy, audacious goal. The hard thing is laying people off when you miss the big goal…The hard thing isn’t dreaming big. The hard thing is waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat when the dream turns into a nightmare.” Ben Horowitz 80
Where we decide to put our energy decides what we’ll ultimately accomplish. 81
“When you are NOT practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him, he will win. – Bill Bradley 82
Every time you sit down think this: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I am passing the marshmallow test. I am earning what my ambition burns for. I am making an investment in myself instead of in my ego. 83
Why is success so ephemeral? Ego shortens it. We stop learning, we stop listening, we lose grasp of what matters and we become victims of ourselves and the competition. 91
Scientia infla – knowledge puffs up. Humility engenders learning because it beats back the arrogance that puts blinders on. If you are not still learning, you are already dying. 104
An amateur is defensive to learn. That uncomfortable feeling, that defensiveness that you feel when your most deeply held assumptions are challenged. 105
Peter Drucker says that it is not enough to simply want to learn. You must understand HOW to learn and set up a process to facilitate this continual learning. 106
Always maintain a standard of performance by instilling excellence on the most menial tasks at hand. 108
When you win you are vulnerable because it is during your moment at the top that you can afford ego the least. Because the stakes are so much higher. 110
Keep your identity small. Make it about the work and the principles behind it, not about the glorious vision that makes a good headline. 112
The more accomplished you are and become, the more other successful people you will meet that make you feel insignificant. It doesn’t matter how well you are doing. 116
Competitiveness is an important force in life. It drives the market to accomplish. On an individual level it is absolutely critical that you know WHO you are competing with and WHY. 117
We never earn the right to be greedy or to pursue our interests at the expense of everyone else. Once you “made it” you have a tendency to switch to the mind-set of “getting what’s mine”. You think you earned it. 135
Creativity is a matter of receptiveness and recognition. This cannot happen if you are convinced the world revolves around you. By removing ego even temporarily, we can access what is left standing in relief. By widening our perspective, more comes into view. 141
“Don’t be deceived by recognition you have gotten or the amount of money in your bank account.” 147
Your road to victory will go through a place called failure. In order to taste success again you have to understand what led to this moment of difficulty, what went wrong and why. You need to accept it and push through it. 165
Ego loves this notion that something is fair or not. 165
Alive time or dead time – Malcom X in jail for seven year, how did he play it out? He made it alive time. As Robert Greene put it, dead time is when people are passive and waiting, and alive time is when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. 171
Many significant life changes come from moments in which we are thoroughly demolished, in which everything we thought about the world is rendered false. We might call these “Fight Club Moments”. 184
These events are defined by 3 traits: 1) They always came at the hands of some outside force or person. 2) They often involve things we already knew about ourselves but were too scared to admit. 3) From the ruin came the opportunity for great progress and improvement. 185
Threatened egotism is one of the most dangerous forces on earth. The gang member who is dishonored. The narcissist who is rejected. 186
The Streisand effect – Barbra Streisand tried to legally remove a photo of her home from the web and it ended up getting more views as a result. 201
People learn from their failures but they seldom learn from their successes. Wisdom or ignorance? Ego is the swing vote. 209
Training is like sweeping the floor. Just because you’ve done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back and every day we must sweep. 212
Any fool can learn from experience. The trick is to learn from OTHER people experience and that comes from reading books. 216